I've had an opportunity to see a newborn baby recently. She was two-week-old. I had mine 17 years ago and childbirth is a distant memory to me, but when I held this baby lots of memories suddenly flashed through my head. I then felt how quickly it all went, followed by some regrets...naturally.
In Japan there's a proverb, "The soul of a three-year-old would stay until the age of 100". This is my own translation and I don't want you to quote on this one, but what it means is that if a child is not loved and not taught how we all live together by the age of three its soul (or aftermath, shall we say) would stay with the person until the age of 100.
My interpretation of 'loved' here is (and I can't say this often enough) for children to have you, i.e. parents or their substitutes, who would consistently stay with them and let them touch you whenever they want however long they want. From looking at the interaction between the mother and her young baby earlier this week I am really convinced that a physical touch and much tactile affection until the age of three are absolutely crucial in forming the kids' sense of security, subsequent self-confidence, and independence.
So many parents, particularly Western ones (dare I say), get this wrong. Independence doesn't come from leaving the baby in his/her own room and sometimes letting them cry because parents don't want to 'spoil' the babies. To me this is like showing new-born babies how to give up. Once young children learn to give up it's too late. They would then really learn to give up easily in their lives or become either aggressive or reclusive to try and gain attention so that they could fill the void.
Of course it's possible to mend and correct after the age of three. It's just that it becomes harder and more expensive to 'remould' after that age, and I just think that tactile affection is the cheapest, the easiest, and the most effective way to bring up a child into a balanced person.
I did all the physical bit as much as I could, but even so I have regrets as I said earlier. That's simply because life isn't that simple and I am just an imperfect parent, not a child psychologist. Oh well, I guess parents f**k up their kids whatever they do as this book says...
p.s. My son is a nice guy, just in case you are thinking otherwise...
Apple frangipane tart is my favourite food, and I have Version 2 here. The filling is exactly the same as Version 1, but I use shop-bought all butter puff pastry (about 400g block) here instead of shortcrust pastry. It's crunchier, richer, and equally delicious as Version 1. The other difference is that I mixed a tablespoon of Calvados with apricot jam for the glaze. It improves the smell :)